How To Console Someone In Pain

30.06.2023 Chukwudi Eze 0 Comments

A few months ago I wrote about how we can sit with our own painful emotions, Often we don’t. Instead, we gloss over negative feelings. We self-medicate. We berate ourselves for having negative feelings, making us feel even worse. ( I can’t believe I’m upset about something so small! I’m so sensitive.

I’m so stupid for feeling anxious about that,) What’s also difficult is sitting with someone else’s pain and supporting them.
It can feel awkward and uncomfortable — especially if we have a hard time with our own emotions.
Our knee-jerk reaction may be to ignore what’s happening, offer solutions, be overly positive or act on any number of behaviors that dismiss the person’s feelings.

This month we asked two psychotherapists to share their insights into how we can truly support someone through their pain (and how not to ). Reach out. When people are in pain, they’re less likely to reach out for support, even though they need it, said Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, a psychotherapist in private practice in Houston, Texas.

The first important step in supporting someone is to simply reach out. Let them know that you’re there for them. “Don’t be afraid of their pain.” When Eddins was going through a tough time, one of the best things a person did for her was to say: “I was calling to check in with you and see how you’re doing.

If you want to talk about things, that’s great. I’m happy to do so. If you want to just connect and talk about other things, that’s great, too.” Eddins’s friend acknowledged how she was feeling and was willing to be there regardless of whether she wanted to talk about the situation.

Approaching your conversation without any assumptions.Paraphrasing the other person’s words to make sure you understand, such as: “It sounds like work has been getting tougher because of all these new demands at your job.”Acknowledging how they’re feeling based on what they’ve said so far, such as: “Getting this feedback from your boss is stressing you out.”Finding something positive to say to show you respect them, such as: “I appreciate you trusting me with this problem.”Asking gentle, open-ended questions to better understand what they’re thinking and feeling, such as: “How come?”; “What do you think about ?”; “How do you feel about ?”

Don’t offer solutions. Trying to fix the situation makes people feel misunderstood and not cared for, Eddins said. It invalidates their emotions. And it “almost assumes that they can’t problem solve.” Don’t make the situation about yourself. According to Gortner, this might look like saying: “This reminds me of when my grandmother died.”; “I feel the exact same way, let me tell you about.”; “When my aunt had cancer, she tried this new treatment”; “After my miscarriage, we tried again right away and it worked! You should do the same.” Pain is complex, and can feel like a roller-coaster, Eddins said.

Focus instead on the person’s unique experience, she said.
For instance, you might say: “Help me understand what it’s like for you.
I’d like to understand more about how you’re feeling if you’d like to share.
You’re going through so much, what’s it like for you?” She shared these other helpful phrases you can say: “I’m so sorry to hear that.

I’m here with you. You’re in my thoughts. Thinking of you. That sounds so painful. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting right now. I know you’ve been through a lot. I’m thinking of you and sending you big hugs. I love you.” Don’t assume or prognosticate. What also doesn’t help is “making an assumption about the person’s situation or feelings, or predicting the future (which no one can),” said Gortner, who writes the blog ” Everyday Psychology,” She shared these examples: “Tomorrow, you will feel better,” “Give it a week,” “He’ll come around,” “I have a feeling you will be just fine,” or “It will work out next time.” Don’t minimize their emotions.

According to Gortner, we might minimize someone else’s emotions by saying anything from “You’ll get over it” to “Come on, it’s not that bad” to “Just dust yourself off, and try again.” This kind of talk also focuses on the future.
And, as Eddins said, “Your friend is not in the future, your friend is right now in the pain.

Show up for them in the present.” Don’t compare their pain to anyone else’s. “When we’re dealing with difficult emotions, it’s always possible to find a ‘worse’ situation as well as a similar situation,” Eddins said. However, this too is invalidating, she said.

Whether someone else has it worse doesn’t change the emotional pain the person is feeling in this moment.
Their pain is real, she said.
Alking with them in the present moment is the most loving, compassionate thing you can do.” Acknowledge you don’t know what to say.
Sometimes, we don’t know what to say, so we don’t say anything or we don’t acknowledge the pain a person is dealing with.

But this sends “the message that you don’t care or aren’t interested or are too uncomfortable to be there for your friend in need,” Eddins said. She suggested simply saying: “I’m so sorry, I really don’t know what to say right now.” Offer concrete support.

The question “Is there anything I can do?” can actually overwhelm someone who’s in pain, Gortner said. “They may not want to burden you or feel overwhelmed by trying to figure out what they want you to do for them.” Instead, she suggested offering concrete support, such as: “I’m bringing over dinner tonight.

If you don’t feel like talking, I will simply leave it at the door.” Sitting with someone who’s in pain can be tough. But the most supportive thing we can do is to truly listen and be present with them in that very moment — without trying to fix the situation, making assumptions, making it about ourselves or minimizing their pain.

Contents

0.1 How do you comfort someone emotionally?

1 How do you wish someone to stay strong?
- 1.1 What do you say to someone in pain?
  - 1.1.1 What do you text someone who is in pain?
2 How do you comfort someone who is sad in chat?

How do you comfort someone emotionally?

Focus on their feelings – Encourage the person to share how they felt emotionally about what is upsetting them. Asking the person will not upset them more but may allow the emotions they’ve been holding in to be released. Voicing painful feelings can help to reduce emotional distress.

How do you wish someone to stay strong?

Stay Strong Messages and Inspirational Quotes Stay Strong Messages : Everyone goes through difficult times in their lives. Although difficult times are unavoidable, this does not imply that better times are far away. If you know someone who is going through a challenging time and want to encourage them to stay strong.

You’ve arrived at the right place. We’ve compiled a list of messages and quotes to help people get through tough times. So, choose the right messages and encourage your loved ones to stay strong, positive, and happy in the face of difficulties. Also, keep your mind strong by reading these inspirational stay-strong quotes.

We believe that these stay-strong quotes will help you learn how to stay strong in difficult situations and never give up. Best Stay Strong Messages Good times are on their way. Don’t lose hope. Maintain your fortitude. Stay positive and strong, and you’ll be able to overcome any obstacle.

Strong people view failure as an opportunity to demonstrate that they can do better the next time. Keep going, dear friend. You are the most powerful person I know. I’m confident you’ll make it through. Only strong minds go far, while freckle minds wither. Push yourself to the point where your weakness is no longer a weakness.

It will be your most powerful asset. If life knocks you down, get back up and shine brighter. You simply need to be strong and positive during your difficult times, and I am confident you will overcome any obstacles. Keep your strength and keep your heads up.

Maintain your strength; everything will be fine in time.
You must stay strong and positive.
Nothing on earth can stop you from reaching your goal if you stay strong.
When facing adversity, maintain your strength, optimism, and smile.
Weakness only leads to defeat; you must maintain your strength.
That is when you have a chance to win the battle and overcome your difficulties.

Stay strong, courageous, positive, and happy. Difficulties will arise and pass. Stay Strong Messages for Her You might want to quit, but I know you’re a fighter. I know you’ll get through this, so stay strong love. Women are the strongest because they experience things that men do not.

I know you’ll fight hard because your optimism and strength are greater than this difficult situation. Don’t be timid and meek. Please be firm and vocal. Crying does not imply weakness. It denotes your strength. Because you understand when to let go of your emotions. A strong woman understands when to forgive, when to love, and when to fight.

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Don’t arouse feminism within a woman. It can be hazardous. Women are more powerful than you think. Please have faith in yourself because I have faith in you. I am confident that you will be able to overcome any difficulties that may arise. Maintain your strength and optimism.

You may cry and scream your frustration during difficult times, but you must remain strong and positive because you are the only one who can battle and overcome this difficult period.
Maintain your strength, courage, honesty, kindness, and positivity, and I am confident that any difficult times will pass quickly.
Stay Strong Messages for Him
Be the strong and positive person that you are, and I am confident that the difficult times will not bring you down.

Strong isn’t when you have mountains of muscles. Strong is the strength to stay cool and in the right mind in tough situations. A powerful man sobs. He becomes stronger by releasing his emotions. He had lost everything in his life, but he couldn’t take the smile off his face.

Because he is powerful enough to smile for them despite having nothing.
A strong man is one who protects his family rather than one who fights.
Never, ever give up.
Stay strong, my love; you will undoubtedly reach your goal.
He had the courage to let her go.
Because he believed in himself.
I’ve never met a more dedicated worker than you.

I know you can maintain your strength. Maintain a positive attitude during difficult times. You are the most courageous person I have ever met. Although bad times have arrived, this only means that better times are on their way. Keep going, my love. Individuals who know how to survive in life are the most powerful.

I understand that hard times are difficult to endure, but my darling, you must remain strong and battle through them.
Stay Strong Message For a Friend
My friend, you must remain strong, optimistic, brave, bold, and true to yourself.

You have the fortitude to overcome this difficult situation, friend. Maintain your strength and optimism. You’ve always been the friend who taught us to stay positive and strong in the face of adversity, so I’ll just ask you to put what you’ve learned into practice.

My friend, you have the right to cry and scream.
But remember to fight back and overcome your obstacles.
You are not a weak person; rather, you are the most powerful friend I have ever had.
You’re a warrior.
So be brave and persevere in the face of adversity.
Stay Strong Messages About Life Positive thinking can help you overcome any challenge.

Stay strong, and continue to fight for your happiness! Life can be difficult at times, but never give up hope. Stay strong and persevere. The payoff is far superior. You will not be able to change anything in your life unless you work through it. To change, you must be strong.

You will not have to do anything in life.
People will eventually fear you if you hold your head high and saunter with a strong personality.
Famous Stay Strong Quotes “Stay strong, be brave, love hard and true, and you will have nothing to lose.” – Demi Lovato “Build upon strengths, and weaknesses will gradually take care of themselves.” – Joyce C.

Lock “Be strong; things will get better. It might be stormy now, but rain doesn’t last forever.” – Evan Carmichael “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” – Ernest Hemingway “Things happen to you to make you realize your true potential, strength, willpower, and heart.

“I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.” – Audrey Hepburn
“Be strong, believe in who you are; be strong, believe in what you feel.” – Melissa Etheridge
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.” – Bob Marley

“You’ve got to stay strong to be strong in tough times.” – Tilman J. Fertitta

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” – Dale Carnegie
“Always be courageous and strong, and don’t fear.” – Gabby Douglas
“A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success.” – Joyce Brothers
“Pain is temporary- The pain you feel today is only to get the strength to face tomorrow.” – Sivaprakash Sidhu

Life can be harsh at times. Everyone’s lives are experiencing increasingly difficult times. To overcome adversity, it is critical to remain strong and positive. Encouragement from friends and family can be extremely beneficial during difficult times. If you know someone who is going through a difficult time and want to encourage them, send them a note.

You’ve arrived at the right place. Messages for him, her, and friends, as well as brief generic messages that can be sent to anyone, can be found here. Send them messages in which you express your desire for them to be strong, positive, and happy in the face of adversity. Send them strength by choosing the appropriate messages from our list.

: Stay Strong Messages and Inspirational Quotes

What do you say to someone in pain?

I’m so stupid for feeling anxious about that,) What’s also difficult is sitting with someone else’s pain and supporting them.
It can feel awkward and uncomfortable — especially if we have a hard time with our own emotions.
Our knee-jerk reaction may be to ignore what’s happening, offer solutions, be overly positive or act on any number of behaviors that dismiss the person’s feelings.

The first important step in supporting someone is to simply reach out.
Let them know that you’re there for them.
Don’t be afraid of their pain.” When Eddins was going through a tough time, one of the best things a person did for her was to say: “I was calling to check in with you and see how you’re doing.

Focus instead on the person’s unique experience, she said.
For instance, you might say: “Help me understand what it’s like for you.
I’d like to understand more about how you’re feeling if you’d like to share.
You’re going through so much, what’s it like for you?” She shared these other helpful phrases you can say: “I’m so sorry to hear that.

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According to Gortner, we might minimize someone else’s emotions by saying anything from “You’ll get over it” to “Come on, it’s not that bad” to “Just dust yourself off, and try again.” This kind of talk also focuses on the future. And, as Eddins said, “Your friend is not in the future, your friend is right now in the pain.

Whether someone else has it worse doesn’t change the emotional pain the person is feeling in this moment. Their pain is real, she said. “alking with them in the present moment is the most loving, compassionate thing you can do.” Acknowledge you don’t know what to say. Sometimes, we don’t know what to say, so we don’t say anything or we don’t acknowledge the pain a person is dealing with.

The question “Is there anything I can do?” can actually overwhelm someone who’s in pain, Gortner said. “They may not want to burden you or feel overwhelmed by trying to figure out what they want you to do for them.” Instead, she suggested offering concrete support, such as: “I’m bringing over dinner tonight.

What do you text someone who is in pain?

I’m so stupid for feeling anxious about that,) What’s also difficult is sitting with someone else’s pain and supporting them. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable — especially if we have a hard time with our own emotions. Our knee-jerk reaction may be to ignore what’s happening, offer solutions, be overly positive or act on any number of behaviors that dismiss the person’s feelings.

The first important step in supporting someone is to simply reach out. Let them know that you’re there for them. “Don’t be afraid of their pain.” When Eddins was going through a tough time, one of the best things a person did for her was to say: “I was calling to check in with you and see how you’re doing.

Focus instead on the person’s unique experience, she said. For instance, you might say: “Help me understand what it’s like for you. I’d like to understand more about how you’re feeling if you’d like to share. You’re going through so much, what’s it like for you?” She shared these other helpful phrases you can say: “I’m so sorry to hear that.

According to Gortner, we might minimize someone else’s emotions by saying anything from “You’ll get over it” to “Come on, it’s not that bad” to “Just dust yourself off, and try again.” This kind of talk also focuses on the future. And, as Eddins said, “Your friend is not in the future, your friend is right now in the pain.

The question “Is there anything I can do?” can actually overwhelm someone who’s in pain, Gortner said. “They may not want to burden you or feel overwhelmed by trying to figure out what they want you to do for them.” Instead, she suggested offering concrete support, such as: “I’m bringing over dinner tonight.

How do you comfort someone who is sad in chat?

How to Comfort Someone Who’s Sad/Crying – “Witness” their feelings. One of the most difficult things about trying to comfort someone who’s hurting is feeling like you don’t know what to say. Fortunately, most of the time people aren’t actually looking for you to offer specific advice or pearls of wisdom; the most comforting thing in the world isn’t an inspiring platitude, but feeling like someone else gets what you’re going through, and that you’re not alone in the world.

The thing people want most when they’re hurting is for you to act as a sounding board and to show understanding and empathy.
Gottman calls this “witnessing” your loved one’s distress.
So to start off comforting someone, simply describe what you’re seeing/sensing.
Say something like, “I know you’re having such a hard time with this,” or “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much.” Also affirm that you hear what they’re saying by saying it back to them in your own words.

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So if your wife, who’s in tears, says: “My boss told me I wasn’t cut out for my job, and that if I make one more mistake he’s going to fire me.” You would say back: “It sounds like you’re upset because you haven’t been doing as well as you’d like at work, and you’re worried that you’re going to lose your job.

Is that right?” Affirm that their feelings make sense. You want to not only acknowledge that you hear the person’s feelings, but that they make sense to you. It’s lonely to feel like you’re coming at something from out of left field. So you might say to your friend who’s going through a bad break-up: “Of course you’re devastated.

I honestly was depressed for months after Emily and I ended things.” Keep in mind that while sharing your similar experiences shows empathy, you want to be careful not to pivot the focus of the conversation onto you, Don’t try to one-up the person by sharing a story of how you’ve had it worse, and don’t go on and on about your own experience.

Instead, briefly share how you’ve been through something similar, and then return the focus to the other person by asking them questions and eliciting more details (see the next point).
Even if you haven’t experienced the same thing, you can still say, “That’s never happened to me, but I can really get why you’re feeling that way.” If the person’s feelings don’t make sense to you, that makes the next step all the more important.

Show the person you understand their feelings, and facilitate the deepening of his or her own understanding of them. Sometimes people do want advice or a proposed solution to their problem, but even then, they usually first simply want to vent their feelings; as has often been observed, this is especially true of women.

So hold off on going into problem-solving mode at first, and just listen.
See your job not as talking, but as getting the other person to talk, so that they can sort through their feelings themselves; they may not even be able to articulate why they’re feeling down, unless you draw it out of them.
In getting your friend/partner/relative to open up, you demonstrate your genuine support and interest, enhance your understanding of their suffering, and let them know that you know why they’re sad; as the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard ( he the advocate for indirect communication ) advises, that last part is important even if you think you already understand, and already know how to solve their problem: “If real success is to attend the effort to bring another person to a definite position, one must first of all take the pains to find that person where he or she is and begin there.

This is the secret of the art of helping others. Anyone who has not mastered this is himself deluded when he proposes to help others. In order to help another effectively, I must understand more than he — yet first of all surely I must understand what he understands.

If I do not know that, my greater understanding will be of no help to him. If, however, I am disposed to plume myself on my greater understanding, it is because I am vain or proud, so that at the bottom, instead of benefiting him, I want to be admired, To help does not mean to be a sovereign but a servant,

not to be ambitious but to be patient.” Or as the minister Fred B. Craddock puts it so well: ” To understand what is understood and how it is understood means not only that you understand but that the listener understands that you do,” To facilitate this drawing out process, Gottman recommends using “exploratory statements and open-ended questions” like:

Tell me what happened.Tell me everything that’s bothering/worrying you.Tell me all of your concerns.Tell me everything that’s led up to this.Help me understand more about what you’re feeling.What set off these feelings?What’s the thing that’s worrying you the most?What’s the worst that could happen? (If you feel like someone is catastrophizing — believing something is much worse than it is — try working through this exercise with them )

Gottman recommends against asking any “why” questions since, no matter how well-intended, they tend to come off as criticism: “When you ask, ‘Why do you think like that?’ the other person is likely to hear, ‘Stop thinking that, you’re wrong!’ A more successful approach would be, ‘What leads you to think that?’ or, ‘Help me understand how you decided that.'” By working through these exploratory statements and questions, you’ll hopefully not only get a better understanding of the person’s suffering, but help them come to understand it better themselves too.

They may come up with their own solution, realize that things really aren’t so bad, or simply feel better having gotten their worries or grief off their chest. Don’t minimize their pain or try to cheer them up. When faced with tears, it’s natural to want to try to snap the person out of it with smiles and jokes, or by insisting that whatever they’re upset about is “no big deal.” But someone who’s upset wants to take you on a tour of their melancholic landscape, pointing out the blue-tinged landmarks they’re seeing; it doesn’t help to say, “Nope, there’s nothing out there!” or “Look, there’s a dog riding a unicycle!” Something may not feel like a big deal to you, but it does feel like a big deal to them.

Don’t trivialize their experience, but walk through it with them. But what if someone’s reason for feeling sad really is no big deal? If you don’t think their deprecating feelings about an event, or themselves, are justified, ask, “Can you think of any evidence that’s contrary to the conclusion you’ve reached?” If they can’t, ask if you can suggest your own and share an alternative way of seeing things (it’s nice to ask permission here, because offering a contrarian view, unsolicited, tends to come off as critical and antagonistic).

If someone’s feelings are habitually irrational and grossly disproportionate to their cause, or they’re constant complainers who get upset about everything, that’s probably someone you simply want to minimize contact with if possible. Offer physical affection if appropriate. Sometimes people don’t want to talk, and don’t want you to talk either — they just want to be held in silence.

But one of the things I think guys struggle with when trying to comfort someone is knowing how much physical affection to offer. The gestures you make should generally match whatever you give the person on a normal basis. If you’ve never hugged the person you’re comforting, then don’t go beyond putting a hand on their shoulder, or an arm around it.

If they’re someone you hug regularly, then give them an embrace. If you’re intimate partners, offer a snuggle. Now this just goes for gestures you initiate; in gauging the level of needed physical affection, you should really let the other person take the lead — they may lean in to that arm you drape over their shoulder, and if they do, you should reciprocate.

Just be careful about the messages you send; if a girl is crying because you’re breaking up with her, or she just confessed feelings that aren’t requited, physical affection could send a mixed message. Also, if you make your affection towards your significant other too sensual, rather than comforting, they could be offended that you’re trying to make a play for sex, when they’re trying to work through a tough issue.

Suggest action steps.
As mentioned above, there are times when people just want to be heard and comforted, and don’t want a solution to their feelings of sadness (often there is no solution; you can’t bring your dead dad back — grief is just grief).
In such cases, after going through the above steps, the person typically feels better for having shared the burden on their heart, and the sadness runs its course.

Ask if there’s anything else they want to tell you. If it’s nighttime, when these feelings tend to come out, suggest they go to bed; everyone feels better in the morning. Other times, the upset person still feels unresolved, and wants advice on what to do.

First, ask them if they have any ideas as to steps they could take to improve the situation — solutions are more likely to be adopted if the person comes up with them on their own.
If they’ve got big, macro ideas, help break those down into next-action steps.
If they’re at a loss as to how to proceed, offer your suggestions.

With someone who’s sad not because of an isolated event, but because they suffer from depression, pivot as quickly as possible to talking about an action step, or just inviting them to do something else besides talking — e.g., take a walk or go for a drive together.

Chukwudi Eze