One Sided Love Pain Quotes
Best one-sided love quotes – Are you in a situation where you love someone, but you are not getting the same love in return? Below is a list of one-sided love quotes that will get you through this hurting situation.
One of the greatest pain and agony is being in one-sided love with someone.I always think about you a little more than I should.If you want me to fall for you, then you have to give me something worth tripping over.It is better to be out of love than to be miserable in one-sided love.Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought – useless and disappointing.It hurts, and I cannot fathom the reason why you hold my joy so much in your hands.Break my face, my back, my arms, my neck. But please don’t break my heart.My heart is hollow, and only you can fill it, yet it remains empty.There is a time for departure, even when there’s no certain place to go.My life has been a continuum of unanswered prayers and you bear the largest portion of that.You are never mine, but still, I am afraid to lose you.I could feel my tears drag down my heart like an anchor sinking into a deep ocean.The moment that you lose someone that would be the only time that you will realize their worth.You won’t even know those quotes and poems are all about you.If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.People do incredible things for love, particularly for unrequited love.If you don’t receive love from those who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.Miserable pain is the result of an absence of love.
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Contents
- 1 What is the deep word for one-sided love?
- 2 Is one-sided love toxic?
- 3 How long does one-sided love last?
- 4 How hard is it to love one-sided?
How painful is one-sided love?
Unrequited love involves having strong romantic feelings toward another person who does not feel the same way. It is a one-sided experience that can leave people with feelings of pain, grief, and shame. You may think it would be easy to tell if love is unrequited but it isn’t always clear and can cause a lot of confusion and emotional turmoil.
What is the deep word for one-sided love?
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer’s deep and pure affection, or may consciously reject it.
Is one-sided love toxic?
Impact of a One-Sided Relationship – One-sided relationships can be extremely toxic, particularly if one person is intentionally taking advantage of the other. Some of the damaging effects of this type of relationship include:
Increased stress : The stress of being in this type of relationship can take a toll on both your physical and mental health. While healthy relationships can act as protective buffers against stress, research has found that some relationships create stress and have a negative impact on health, Sleep issues, anxiety, depression, and decreased immunity are just a few of the potentially detrimental effects of excessive stress. Feelings of loneliness : In addition to the stress of doing the majority of the work in the relationship, the lack of mutual effort can leave you feeling isolated and lonely, You might feel like you can’t really talk to the other person about the problems you are dealing with or how you really feel. Decreased self-esteem : The constant disappointment you experience in this one-sided relationship can leave you feeling rejected, unsupported, and unloved. This can make it hard to feel confident and secure in yourself.
How long does one-sided love last?
2. Prepare to go through the stages of grief. – “The emotions and pain from getting over unrequited love can feel quite similar to breaking up from an established relationship,” says Burns. In fact, moving on from a one-sided love situation can be “especially painful because you often put your crush on a pedestal.” Plus, she says, “mourning the loss of a future you envisioned together” can hurt just as much, or more, than ending an exclusive, committed relationship that didn’t work out for concrete reasons. Burns says you’ll likely go through some, if not all, of the stages of breakup grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. So “give yourself time to wallow and process your emotions,” she advises. “Research shows that just the act of becoming mindfully aware of your emotions and labeling them can help you regulate these intense feelings.” The amount of time needed will usually depend on how long you’ve been in unrequited love.
Why is one-sided love so hard?
When Cupid flies in the wrong direction, shoots the arrow without looking and hits the wrong person, an unrequited love begins. One-sided or unrequited love is more common when you are young, because that’s the time when you form a utopian image of your ideal partner.
- But sometimes, mature adults fall in one-sided love, too, which they find intensely painful.
- Teenagers are most vulnerable to unrequited love and heartbreak, but I also find that they are a resilient lot and move on faster.
- Some people who face unrequited love suffer acute depression.
- The hurt runs deeper.
Sometimes, it involves a long-term relationship, where one partner develops feelings for someone else, only to get a rude shock that the person doesn’t love him or her back. Such people are vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and depression. Young adults, who have newly entered the work zone, often face unrequited love with older married colleagues or managers.
They are particularly vulnerable,” says Hvovi Bhagwagar, clinical psychologist. Accept the reality and move on If someone you like doesn’t show signs that they are interested in you, it’s better to come to terms with it. When you feel strongly for a person, who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings, you feel rejected.
This hurts, because you may start to believe that something is wrong with you. Romantic rejection not only leaves behind emotional scars, but also physical pain. Research suggests that those who suffer heartbreak or a relationship breakdown are at an elevated risk of heart attack and physical pain.
For those who face a no, we work in therapy on handling rejection with grace. Unhelpful behaviours are grovelling, threatening, coercing and emotionally blackmailing. I help the person see that rejection can happen anywhere in life (not just a relationship). While it’s a tough pill to swallow, it doesn’t have to be taken personally.
We also discuss how to navigate unrequited love in sticky situations, especially when there are common friends or if the new romantic interest happens to be a best friend,” says Hvovi. Distance yourself from them If you have suffered because of one-sided love, you would know how difficult it is to communicate with the one you love after being turned down by him or her.
- He was my friend for almost a decade.
- When I shared my feelings with him and didn’t get any reciprocation, I decided to distance myself from him.
- Yes, the fact that I didn’t have my closest friend anymore did hurt, but I had to take the tough call.
- What pricked me more was that he got married to my best friend, who knew about my feelings for him since day one.
I felt cheated. I distanced myself from both of them. It took me years to overcome the pain, but I am glad I stayed away,” says Vanshika Tiwari, a Mumbai-based company secretary. Experts say that not speaking to your love interest frequently, not checking their social media handles every second minute, not asking your common friends about them and not visiting the places you visited with them may help.
If the person is out of sight, he or she will get out of your mind, sooner or later. Whether it’s distancing yourself completely or seeing them less often, you should do what makes you feel better. Focus on other things While dealing with unrequited love, it’s easy to get stuck at home, pondering on what happened to you and wishing to change it, but this is not going to help you.
“A usual suggestion that I give my clients is that instead of holding a grudge against the person you love and indulging in negative behaviours, like addictions, distract yourself by changing your priorities and reconnecting with older friends. Indulging in your favourite hobbies — sports, dance or painting, watching your favourite TV series or spending time with friends — might help you escape boredom,” says Dr Rohann Bokdawala, psychiatrist.
When you are happy, your body produces endorphins, hormones that help reduce pain. Though you might not be up for it, but meeting new people or hanging out with friends can be helpful. “Digital world helps you control the devastation in your life. Social media helped me connect with new people, because of which I managed to move on.
When I started travelling and hanging out with new people, the old memories started to fade away,” says Randhir Roy, business head of an event firm in the city, who experienced unrequited love during his engineering days. If you are feeling negative and angry, it’s hard to think about anything else but your situation.
- It’s important to focus on new things and start setting future goals.
- If you have things to work towards (personal or professional goals), focusing on achieving them can be a great distraction.
- It’s important to open up Reaching out to people who care about you and telling them what happened, might help you start afresh and move on.
If you speak to your family or friends, they can treat you a lot better than you may treat yourself. Apart from reminding you of your positives, they are likely to suggest the best ways of dealing with the situation. Experts say that family and close friends encourage you to do whatever makes you feel happy.
What psychology says about one-sided love?
While most aspire for romantic love, those feelings don’t always get reciprocated. Sometimes it’s a one-sided love. Unrequited love occurs when one person yearns for unconditional love from another individual who doesn’t feel the same way. This type of love appears more prevalently in people with anxious attachment styles and low defensiveness.
Unreciprocated emotionsHaving an unrealistic view of the person you’re in love withOne-sided contact through phone calls, texts, and social mediaLonging for your person of interest’s touch
One study looked at humor as a coping mechanism for facing unrequited love. Humor can help change your perspective after facing the rejection of unreciprocated love. The burden of one-sided love can weigh heavy on you and have adverse effects. Love develops over time, and developing romantic feelings for a friend can occur.
Strong friendships that last over the years are prime opportunities for intimate feelings. Friendships are a great opener to romantic relationships, but they aren’t the only reason that unrequited love can occur. Some people believe a good friendship is a foundation for a romantic relationship. That’s why you may start to see your friend as more than a friend over time.
Your proximity to a person can cause a love interest to form. Whether at work, school, or somewhere else, you may develop feelings for someone the more you get to know them. Love interests can arise from shared hobbies. If you find someone who likes the same things as you, you may see them as the perfect romantic partner.
Any of these reasons can cause you to feel attracted to someone. If that person doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, that is the cause of unrequited love. Mixed signals can also cause one-sided love. If your friendship consists of flirty jokes, physical affection, or other romantic tendencies, you may start to see your friend as romantic interest.
Mixed signals won’t make you fall in love with someone, but if you already find them attractive, it can make you more likely to look at them romantically. Especially if they’re acting like the feeling is mutual. Another cause of unrequited love is an unbalanced attraction level,
If there’s a perceived difference in attraction, the person perceived to be more attractive might not feel intimate with a person they believe to be less attractive. A one-sided love can result, or no romantic relationship may form at all. After sharing your feelings for another person, rejection often feels awkward and embarrassing for both people.
This can even cause the friendship to end. However, there are ways you get past the initial awkwardness and reform a mutual friendship. Give yourself and them a little time to move past the declaration, and then start casually chatting again once you’re ready.
If you’ve shared your feelings and been rejected, you can assure your friend that you can accept their feelings and want to maintain the friendship, After the initial conversation, try not to dwell on the occasion with them. Another way to get past unrequited love is to return to your routine with your friend.
If you start to avoid your friend after the rejection, they may think you no longer want to be friends. If you’re struggling with overcoming the rejection, you may need to pull back from your friendship. It may help to spend time with them only in group settings.
- Meeting new people can help recover from the declaration.
- Finding new people to talk to or date could help heal from the rejection.
- But if you still feel heartbroken, you might not be ready for a new relationship.
- It’s okay to talk with someone you once confessed your love to about new relationships.
- This may alleviate any remaining awkward feelings about the unreciprocated love.
You should also tone down flirting or sexual innuendos that may have previously been part of your relationship. This will help keep you both from feeling confused or uncomfortable. You may automatically try to avoid the friend you declared your feelings to.
- However, you should continue talking and seeing each other as you did before the declaration.
- Your friendship has a better chance of surviving if you do.
- It is okay to need some space and time to heal after the rejection.
- Your friend might also need space.
- If they are distant after you’ve shared your feelings, they may feel guilty or sad and not want to hurt you further.
Unrequited love is when unreciprocated love causes a desire for complete love. There are five types of unrequited love:
A crush on someone unavailableA fixation on someone nearbyPursuing a love objectLonging for a past loveAn unequal love relationship
A study on the five types of unrequited love found that all kinds of these relationships are less emotionally intense than reciprocated love. Unrequited love is also found to be four times more prevalent than the love shared by two people. Unrequited love is also less intense in passion, sacrifice, dependency, commitment, and practical love than equal love,
- However, unrequited love has more intense turmoil feelings than reciprocated love.
- Studies have also shown that experiencing rejection has the same brain activities caused by physical pain.
- Unrequited love is a common occurrence, but that doesn’t make the pain less real.
- Unrequited love is a part of being human.
At some point in your life, you’ll likely experience the feeling. One-sided love is more intense than a crush and can last a long time. But if you experience the rejection of unreciprocated love, know you’re not alone. If needed, you can talk to a therapist about your feelings.
Is one-sided love powerful?
Watching Karan Johar’s take on unrequited love made me nostalgic for that almost-forgotten ache. “The power of one-sided love is something else. Unlike other relationships, you don’t have to share it between two people. Only you have the right to it,” one fierce advocate of this approach says in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (ADHM).
- Ah, the sweet pain of unconsummated love.
- The freedom to conjure any utopia the heart desires.
- The joy of directing yourself to overact in your tragic home production.
- The undivided, undistracted intensity that is only felt in the “quality time” moments of reciprocated love.
- Perhaps the greatest love is one that is unrequited, since the banal realities of life can never compete with the perfection of fantasy,” says psychiatrist Shyam Bhat.
The angst (also experienced in heartbreak) gives your creativity a turbo boost. “Unrequited love deepens sensitivity, empathy and compassion, and can be transmuted into great works of art, poetry, music and literature,” says Bhat. The Daily Mail encapsulated it perfectly in a 2012 headline: Who Broke Adele’s Heart And Made Her A Star? My favourite artistes fuelled by unrequited love are Jane Austen and Vincent van Gogh.
- One-way love is everyone’s favourite romantic phenomenon—you’ve missed out if you can’t look back in your relationship history and pull out a tale or two.
- Like waiting for a letter (yes, letter) from that best friend who never thought of you as anything but a buddy with whom he could share anything.
- Heading casually to the gate to wait for the postman at 3.30pm every day.
Struggling to hide the disappointment when there was nothing in your name. Becoming friends with the postman who had probably witnessed enough unrequited love and guessed your secret soon enough. Re-reading and over-interpreting every word when the letter finally arrived.
Looking for a hint, something, anything. Not finding it. Living through countless tales of a new love they had found. Anyone could see it was totally wrong and would never last. Meeting her and fake-smiling through the evening. Picking up the pieces when they broke up as predicted. Hoping again. Not understanding how someone who was so clearly a soulmate couldn’t feel the same way about you.
Breaking the spell, finally. Sweet twist: Meeting a man who wrote every day when he was away from you. Most importantly, hitting a respectable age and being grateful that early love was never reciprocated. Understanding that soulmates make better friends than life partners.
- Everyone’s growing-up years are sprinkled with the salty taste of one-way love.
- Don’t feel shy to talk about unrequited love, I say.
- It was sweet and innocent and helped you navigate the relationship roller coaster that followed as you grew older.
- It can be a little awkward if you are still grappling with unrequited love in your 40s like Johar seems to be, but more power to him for baring his feelings.
ADHM is a non-threatening ode to the object of his unrequited love. Johar’s films have often included love triangles, but one person usually opts out (or as in the case of 1998’s Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, drops dead) and unfulfilled love is rained out by a wet and wild thunderstorm.
- ADHM is a remedy for those of us who thought that Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was most unconvincing,” says Nandini Ramnath, movie critic for Scroll.in.
- In that movie, Rahul’s sudden desire for a woman he has regarded as a friend all along is attributed to her improved appearance.
- From this superficial premise, ADHM is a leap of faith.
It at least recognizes that sometimes, some friendships will never change into romantic relationships, either overnight or ever.” I can’t remember the last time I experienced unrequited love, but it must be an entirely different experience in the Digital Age.
- He recently got on Instagram.
- Yet another social-media platform where I could love him, traverse his life, connect the dots to form my very own perspective of his day,” writes reality TV contestant Priya Malik on her blog.
- My phone buzzes again and I realise that he has been belligerently active on Twitter todayIt is clear to me that he’s not a big fan of Facebook.
He only updates it when he’s forced to show it to the worldI switch to his podcast, to hear him speak.I have a notification. He updates a photo of his new book.I call my local bookshop to order a copy, fervently hoping to find myself pressed between its pages.” Of course there’s a dark side to one-way love, which is manifested in the narrative of angry, spurned love.
Bhat says the pain of unrequited love is expressed differently: “In some, it causes obsession, acts of revenge and violence, in others it fuels a desire for material success or causes depression, anger and cynicism.” But the best kind of one-way love doesn’t harm, it teaches you about yourself. Brainpickings.org highlights what it taught van Gogh: “What kind of love was it I felt when I was 20? I only wanted to give, but not to receive,” the artist wrote.
“Foolish, wrong, exaggerated, proud, rash, for in love one must not only give, but also take, and reversing it, one must not only take but also give. Whoever deviates either to the right or to the left, he falls, there is no help for it.” Priya Ramani shares what’s making her feel angsty/agreeable.
Why do people hurt the one they love?
4. You tend to self-sabotage – Hurting the ones you love happens when you tend to ruin things even when they are going well. There are many reasons for self-sabotage, including unresolved childhood trauma and fears. If you link intimacy to negative experiences in your past, you tend to portray a push-and-pull behavior.
- That is, the closer people get to you, the more you pull away.
- You might have commitment issues, be extremely critical of your loved one, or even blame them for all your relationship issues.
- For example, your partner may point out an issue in your relationship that needs fixing.
- In response, you tell him that there is nothing wrong and that he is overreacting.
In some cases, you may criticize everything your loved one does. Even those things you once loved about them become annoying. Some people assume that this is normal after the honeymoon phase ends. In reality, you are self-sabotaging and hurting your partner in the process.
Why does love pain hurt so much?
Research shows that the pain a person feels when they’re rejected activates the same part of the brain associated with physical pain, which explains why this type of emotional distress can feel so real and so acute.
Why did I hurt the one I love?
8 Reasons Why We Hurt The Ones We Love The Most “Love hurts” is such a popular belief, while simultaneously love is the absolute emotion of connectedness and union. Everyone wants to be loved, but can we actually handle love? Can it even exist without pain? If someone we love gets hurt or feels upset, our natural response is to comfort them and provide them with the essential care they need to make sure everything is alright again.
- But what about when we are the ones that are susceptible for their pain.? Somehow it is in the closest and most intimate relationships with lovers, family members and close friends that the most pain is inflicted on both sides.
- Our topic today is the big question: why do we hurt the ones we love the most? This is a fact, and a frequent research objective.
It is actually confirmed by that we are more likely to be aggressive to the ones we know better and love the most. Direct aggression is mostly exerted towards significant others and siblings, while close friends are most likely to be targets of nondirect aggression, either indirect (i.e.
- Hurting someone through something or someone else, such as spreading rumors, destroying property, gossiping etc) or passive (i.e.
- Ignoring, withdrawal, stonewalling, silent treatment etc).
- Regardless of whether it is direct or indirect aggression, the fact is that we all hurt the ones we love the most, be it intentionally or unintentionally.
Let’s see 8 common reasons why this happens.
- 8 Possible Reasons Why We Hurt The Ones We Love The Most
- 1. Self-punishment and Self-Sabotage
- We hurt others in order to hurt ourselves.
- When we hurt one who is close to us, ultimately we hurt ourselves- because guilt, regret and shame can torment us long after the hurt is done.
- But why would we do this?
This tendency is founded on core beliefs of inadequacy. When you believe you are actually unworthy of love, undeserving to be happy, unlovable, or that you are bound to ruin anything that is good for you, it is likely you will end up acting in ways to confirm these core beliefs- that you can’t really be happy or don’t deserve love.
- This process is not conscious, but it can be once you realize that this is the deep reason you are acting like this.
- So you hurt the other in order to sabotage yourself and your happiness, or because you need to punish yourself.
- In such a case, you are likely self-destructive in more areas of your life and not just your relationships.
If you think your hurting acts towards loved ones is actually self-sabotage or self-punishment, consider:
- What do you deserve punishment for?
- How will you be redeemed?
- What do you need in order to feel worthy of love and happiness? What would help you heal?
- What does your loved one see in you, to prove to you that you are worthy of their love and attention? Why are they still around
- Ideally, what could you do in order to promote your happiness instead of sabotaging it? Make a list, and explore whether you can remind yourself to choose one of those and employ it, next time you are just about to harm your loved one with your words or actions.
- 2. Gaining control as Protection or Reciprocation
- Especially in intimate relationships, we may hurt the other before they hurt us first, so that we have the upper hand in control,
- This is an attempt to protect yourself before you are at the mercy of the Other.
- Indeed, all forms of betrayal and hurting others have a common fundamental motivation: to gain a momentary feeling of from the adrenaline rush of violating deeper values, like respecting the boundaries and caring about the emotional well-being of loved ones.
- Alternatively, we may hurt the other because they hurt us first, so that we can regain our sense of control by reciprocating the hurt and get “even” through retaliation.
Obviously if any of the above become an established dynamic in your relationship, soon enough the whole relationship will be toxic ; such patterns are the backbones of abuse. It is therefore important to stop this before it overwhelms you both. If you recognize this in yourself:
- Think about why you have the need to control your partner in the first place
- What are you protecting yourself from?
- What signs has your partner given you so far to make it essential to be in defense mode?
- What can be the consequences of this behaviour?
- How can you find common ground in order to solve your differences peacefully and without inflicting harm on each other
- 3. The Trust and Safety Paradox
- The more intimacy, love and trust is developed between two partners, the more freedom you feel to just be yourself and not censor your words and actions.
- Instead, you may feel inclined to behave and speak openly and authentically to your partner.
- You feel safe enough to be yourself fully.
The same applies for any close relationship, but may be more intense between family members and romantic partners. Friends may be a bit more conscious about inhibitions and limits in the way they speak and act to each other, though the more trust and closeness in a friendship, inevitably the more authentic the expression too.
Isn’t that the essence of love and trust after all, the ability to be yourself and know that you will be accepted for who you are, anyway? However, this lack of inhibitions and boundaries makes it easier to unintentionally hurt the other person. Maybe an innocent, spontaneous comment can be perceived as hurtful or offensive, or a joke sounds a bit too sharp or inconsiderate to your partner.
Or you feel so safe with your partner that you allow yourself to break down in tears in front of them, and subsequently need their comfort and assistance in order to recover- but you don’t realize this can have a negative impact on them too. At the beginning stages of intimate relationships (during the honeymoon phase), we usually present our best possible Self to our partner; just the shiny Parts.
- We tend to closely monitor our behaviour in order to be regarded as perfect and wonderful as possible, and avoid acting in any way that could jeopardize the new-found connection we are invested to further develop.
- Yet this is just a Persona, since we all have darker or weaker Parts that we carefully hide until it feels safer to show them too.
Feeling safe means trusting that the other will accept us even if we dare to be ourselves fully. Feeling safe enough to show all of You is of course something positive, and the reflection of true intimacy – but also quite tricky, It is easy to lose control and overstep the boundaries of the other.
- It may be noteworthy to have an open discussion with the other person involved in order too better conceptualize each other’s boundaries, as well as ways to ensure that any harm is minimized
- Working towards positive outcomes strengthens your connection and makes you both feel like a team, which is an amazing foundation for your relationship.
- 4. Attachment Style
- Quite a lot that happens in our intimate relationships is determined by our attachment style, that can be changed with a lot of inner work and positive relational experiences.
- We learn to love in familiar ways.
- Mostly unconsciously, we strive to reenact our childhood experiences of what love is and how is it expressed.
- We look to recreate in our intimate relationships the feelings we knew so well in childhood, as these were taught to us by our primary caregivers (and later on probably often repeated by romantic partners too).
- Perhaps you learned from an early age that close relationships are intertwined with pain and hurt, so you have developed a sensitive inner radar to whenever things get too close; this can be an indication of danger to which you respond in the way it used to happen when you were little.
- Reflect:
- How did you observe love to be expressed when you were little?
- Was hurting the other something you remember seeing, and in which ways?
- How was recovery attempted after hurt?
If you are curious about your Attachment Style, you can take this test ! 5. Asserting Independence Intimacy is definitely scary. It means emotionally approaching another individual too closely, even merging with them in a way.
- It can happen that you may unwillingly hurt the other when the emotional distance between you seems a bit too close for your liking.
- This is an unconscious way to assert your own space and independence by pushing the other person away.
- It can be very hurtful to the other to feel pushed away, and there are healthier and more straightforward ways to assert your independence and express that you feel you need more space, without hurting your partner.
- If you do this:
It is important to learn to communicate your thoughts and feelings about the Other, the relationship and intimacy in general more effectively, before any serious damage is done.
- 6. Boundary Testing
- This is another reason why we may be acting towards our partner in hurtful ways, that can be both conscious and unconscious:
- We aim to test the boundaries and see how far we can go before they draw the line.
- Children employ such boundary-testing behaviour to their caregivers, but it not something we ever really give up throughout our whole lives.
- Our behaviour is shaped not only by our own thoughts and feelings, but by the boundaries others set to us.
- Often the person who pushes the boundaries of their partner desperately yearns for some clear and firm boundaries.
- Boundaries increase our sense of safety, bring structure and also show us that the other person cares enough about the relationship in order to be able to express their limits, since this ultimately promotes its quality, too.
- If you realize you actually push the boundaries of the other:
- Have you considered what it is that you would like to accomplish?
- What is your end purpose in this?
- Are there other ways for you to express your need for interaction and boundary setting, without hurting the other?
- 7. Idealization and High Expectations
- This reason refers to the person getting hurt and not the one who causes the harm, but it’s definitely useful to keep in mind.
- Maybe you don’t even want to hurt your partner, but they get hurt anyway.
- The closer we get to someone emotionally, the more roles we attribute to them in our mind, the higher expectations we have of them, and the more they ultimately mean to us.
- In a way, we idealize them- we think quite highly of them, thus any small sign that may not be in accordance with this idealized image we have of them, may be perceived more sensitively and hurt us.
- If you are at the receiving end of hurt because of regarding the other too highly, remember to practice not taking things too personally!
- 8. More Time Together and Displacement
- This last reason may sound a bit funny, but it is true:
- You may hurt the one you love the most simply because they are the ones that are mostly around.
Our emotions, thoughts and behaviours are in constant interplay. If we have a negative mood, we are therefore more likely to act in ways that match our emotional state or get triggered by innocuous and harmless stimuli.
- If there is someone else who is usually there, we are likely to project our feelings to them by acting them out.
- Moreover, the phenomenon of displacement is something that happens quite often among people that spend a lot of time together.
- Displacement means projecting feelings connected to one person or situation, onto another person.
- Think of the guy that had a long and frustrating day at work and then goes home and yells to his partner; this guy displaces his anger and frustration to someone else.
- Perhaps we displace negative emotions to the ones we spend a lot of time with because we feel mostly safe with them, but it is most definitely not a healthy tendency to be proud of.
- If you find yourself in this position:
- You can use mindfulness in order to become conscious of the actual reasons behind negative emotions, thereby minimizing the risk of having an outburst on someone who just so happens to be there most of the time.
- Another idea is to explain to your partner that you feel rather cranky/irritated/argumentative/moody so that you look ahead and prevent some negative incident between you.
In Conclusion.
- Hurting the ones that are closer to us is something that happens naturally for many different reasons.
- Becoming more mindful and conscious of the ways that you may hurt the ones you love the most, and the subsequent reasons behind your behaviour, may bring tremendous positive outcomes to your relationships.
- Awareness is the first and absolutely necessary step towards positive change.
- Ideally, a great focus could be to understand yourself to such an extent, that allows for minimizing both intentional and unintentional hurt to the ones that are closest to your life and heart.
: 8 Reasons Why We Hurt The Ones We Love The Most
How does real love feel?
What does real love feel like? – Lewandowski identified two main kinds of love, each with its own sensations: passionate love and companionate love, Again, feelings are subjective, but here’s the general overview of what to expect from each. Passionate love feels like instant attraction with a bit of nervousness. Men’s Health Aside from passionate love, you have longer-term love—also known as companionate lov e —which brings “feelings of calm support and stability, a feeling of steady ease, confidence, and comfort.” Companionate love is typically found in long-lasting relationships where each partner intimately trusts each other, and brings each other comfort and stability.
For the benefit of long-term strong and healthy relationships, we focus too much on passionate love and not enough on companionate love,” he says. “That makes people believe they’re falling out of love when in reality their love is just shifting to become more companionate, which helps keep the relationship intact.” BTW, companionate love isn’t just found in romantic relationships.
The love you have for your friends may resemble companionate love because your close buddies bring you emotional intimacy and comfort. Both varieties of love bring out strong emotions, though passionate love is the strongest of all and also the most dangerous because it can cloud your judgement.
Since it occurs early in emotional relationships, it can bring a lot of highs and lows, especially if the passionate love does not develop further into companionate love, Lewandowski says. “We often say in relationship science that passionate love is what gets you married, while companionate love is what keeps you married,” he says.
“In fact, ‘expert couples’ married more than 15 years say the number-one secret to what keeps them together is ‘my partner is my best friend,’ a sure sign of companionate love.” Mel Curry (she/her) is the current assistant editor at Cosmopolitan, where she covers everything from lifestyle to politics. You can often find her watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta or discovering local coffee roasters. Before joining Cosmo, she was an editorial assistant at Hearst Magazines, writing for Women’s Health, Elle, and more. Follow her on Instagram and the bird app aka Twitter,
What happens to one-sided lovers?
What are the signs of a one-sided relationship? – Every one-sided relationship looks different because the imbalance can come within “skill sets, values and shared ideas,” says Dr. Bea. “People like the idea of reciprocity, right? Like, if I’m a good friend, and a good listener, and a good partner, I’d like somebody who’s my teammate.
The relationship makes you feel exhausted.You feel like you don’t have a real, meaningful connection.Your partner never sacrifices anything that’s important to them for you.You’re always the one apologizing.
The stress of being in a one-sided relationship can also cause physical and emotional side effects. “You may have challenges to how you nourish yourself, move your body and take care of your general health,” Dr. Bea says. “You can become depressed, anxious, frightened and have poor sleep habits. All those things come with any stressor — and relationships can produce lots of stress,”
Why can’t I accept love?
Why is Receiving Love Difficult? – For those of us who are natural givers, receiving love may not come naturally or may even feel uncomfortable. According to authors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt (of Receiving Love: Letting Yourself Be Loved Will Transform Your Relationship ), the root of the issue most often is self-rejection.
This can go back to our childhood experience of love, in which the love given to us was not unconditional. If we feel as children we have to meet certain conditions to receive love, we may develop a core belief that we are not worthy of it just as we are. Therefore, when others try to give us love, it can trigger this core belief of unworthiness and undeservedness, making us feel uncomfortable receiving affection.
Of course, there can be many different reasons why we may find it difficult to receive love. It could be past trauma, unfamiliarity with receiving, feelings of unworthiness, and much more. Regardless, it is very common to feel resistance to receiving love in compliments, affection, accepting help, and more.
Why can’t I stay with one person?
They don’t reply to your messages, calls, or texts for days – If you’ve been dating someone for a while, you might start to notice a pattern in their responses. They might go silent after 8 p.m. when unwinding before bed or not reply to you at all during their working hours.
- In general, it’s pretty reasonable to expect a partner to reply within a day most of the time, unless you know they won’t be available for some reason.
- If you consistently don’t get replies, especially when you’re trying to make plans, or if you get half-replies that don’t fully answer your question, you might want to bring this up in person.
It’s possible your partner just doesn’t love texting. But this can also suggest emotional unavailability. Regardless of the reason, they may not be able commit to anything more. There are a number of factors that can cause commitment issues. These causes often include fears about the relationship, such as fear of being hurt, fear of being with the wrong person, fear of things not working out, and other relationship-related anxieties.
If someone experienced trauma in a past relationship or went through a difficult breakup, this can lead to commitment issues in the future. Other factors can stem from the childhood experiences in upbringing and family history. These influences can shape ones attachment style. Those who are typically avoidant attached, for example, may exhibit commitment issues.
All of these different experiences and traits can influence how someone behaves in a committed relationship. This can make it difficult to tell the difference between someone who just really doesn’t want to commit and someone who’s dealing with other issues.
Issues with commitment in a relationship aren’t always a problem. Long-term, monogamous relationships aren’t for everyone. Plenty of people live their lives, happy to stay single or date different partners, without ever getting married or settling down. Other people are fully ready to commit to long-term involvement, just not with one person only.
Still, if you want to deepen your commitment or feel like there’s an element of fear that’s holding you back, consider these approaches:
Is one-sided love the most painful?
When Cupid flies in the wrong direction, shoots the arrow without looking and hits the wrong person, an unrequited love begins. One-sided or unrequited love is more common when you are young, because that’s the time when you form a utopian image of your ideal partner.
But sometimes, mature adults fall in one-sided love, too, which they find intensely painful. “Teenagers are most vulnerable to unrequited love and heartbreak, but I also find that they are a resilient lot and move on faster. Some people who face unrequited love suffer acute depression. The hurt runs deeper.
Sometimes, it involves a long-term relationship, where one partner develops feelings for someone else, only to get a rude shock that the person doesn’t love him or her back. Such people are vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and depression. Young adults, who have newly entered the work zone, often face unrequited love with older married colleagues or managers.
- They are particularly vulnerable,” says Hvovi Bhagwagar, clinical psychologist.
- Accept the reality and move on If someone you like doesn’t show signs that they are interested in you, it’s better to come to terms with it.
- When you feel strongly for a person, who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings, you feel rejected.
This hurts, because you may start to believe that something is wrong with you. Romantic rejection not only leaves behind emotional scars, but also physical pain. Research suggests that those who suffer heartbreak or a relationship breakdown are at an elevated risk of heart attack and physical pain.
For those who face a no, we work in therapy on handling rejection with grace. Unhelpful behaviours are grovelling, threatening, coercing and emotionally blackmailing. I help the person see that rejection can happen anywhere in life (not just a relationship). While it’s a tough pill to swallow, it doesn’t have to be taken personally.
We also discuss how to navigate unrequited love in sticky situations, especially when there are common friends or if the new romantic interest happens to be a best friend,” says Hvovi. Distance yourself from them If you have suffered because of one-sided love, you would know how difficult it is to communicate with the one you love after being turned down by him or her.
- He was my friend for almost a decade.
- When I shared my feelings with him and didn’t get any reciprocation, I decided to distance myself from him.
- Yes, the fact that I didn’t have my closest friend anymore did hurt, but I had to take the tough call.
- What pricked me more was that he got married to my best friend, who knew about my feelings for him since day one.
I felt cheated. I distanced myself from both of them. It took me years to overcome the pain, but I am glad I stayed away,” says Vanshika Tiwari, a Mumbai-based company secretary. Experts say that not speaking to your love interest frequently, not checking their social media handles every second minute, not asking your common friends about them and not visiting the places you visited with them may help.
- If the person is out of sight, he or she will get out of your mind, sooner or later.
- Whether it’s distancing yourself completely or seeing them less often, you should do what makes you feel better.
- Focus on other things While dealing with unrequited love, it’s easy to get stuck at home, pondering on what happened to you and wishing to change it, but this is not going to help you.
“A usual suggestion that I give my clients is that instead of holding a grudge against the person you love and indulging in negative behaviours, like addictions, distract yourself by changing your priorities and reconnecting with older friends. Indulging in your favourite hobbies — sports, dance or painting, watching your favourite TV series or spending time with friends — might help you escape boredom,” says Dr Rohann Bokdawala, psychiatrist.
- When you are happy, your body produces endorphins, hormones that help reduce pain.
- Though you might not be up for it, but meeting new people or hanging out with friends can be helpful.
- Digital world helps you control the devastation in your life.
- Social media helped me connect with new people, because of which I managed to move on.
When I started travelling and hanging out with new people, the old memories started to fade away,” says Randhir Roy, business head of an event firm in the city, who experienced unrequited love during his engineering days. If you are feeling negative and angry, it’s hard to think about anything else but your situation.
- It’s important to focus on new things and start setting future goals.
- If you have things to work towards (personal or professional goals), focusing on achieving them can be a great distraction.
- It’s important to open up Reaching out to people who care about you and telling them what happened, might help you start afresh and move on.
If you speak to your family or friends, they can treat you a lot better than you may treat yourself. Apart from reminding you of your positives, they are likely to suggest the best ways of dealing with the situation. Experts say that family and close friends encourage you to do whatever makes you feel happy.
Why do one-sided love hurt so much?
What does unrequited love feel like? – When you love someone who doesn’t feel the same way, it can be confusing to understand why, particularly if you’ve expressed your affection – which can make things even more frustrating. “If we have such strong feelings for someone else it may be hard to understand why they don’t feel the same way about us,” explains Holly.
- We’re too immersed in our own feelings to get some distance to properly empathise with how the other person is feeling.” Unrequited love can also lead to feelings of rejection, which can make you doubt yourself and think you’ve done something wrong (even though that’s not the case).
- Endra says this can really take a toll on your self-esteem.
“People will often blame themselves for why they’re not getting reciprocated love,” she explains. “I often hear things like, ‘I’m not good enough, if only I was prettier or smarter they would be able to commit or show me love,'” she adds – and this can also create a lot of anxiety. Catarina Inacio // Getty Images When it comes to why unrequited love is so painful, it’s actually because it’s pretty similar to grief. “We are chasing after something we’re never able to reach, so we have feelings of loss which are the same as grief,” explains Holly.
How hard is it to love one-sided?
01 /6 Ways to make one-sided love successfully work – With tales and ballads of unrequited, one-sided love flowing around, it’s hard to not imagine the pain and heartbreak one experiences in this. One-sided love is hard enough to deal with; when the person you tremendously love doesn’t feel the same.
Is one-sided love more painful than breakup?
01/7 Unrequited love is worse than a break up If getting over a break-up is not easy, to overcome the pain of being in love with a person who never understood your feelings is even worse.